Tell Me

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When did scarcity roll over you, wilting you timid and fearful?

What darkened childhood tale shadowed your lightness and spirit, giving away your bold?

Who changed you so short that your worth became socially outsourced to the new and unknown?

When the sun rises it reminds us with furious beauty that moments are spectacular. Well thought plans, penned goals and shiny thoughts trivial pursuits of those who will never grow.

The rain that drenched you with indignation, coming unannounced on a summer day? The universes way of tapping you awake to all you never will control.

What happened between the first moments your eyes opened to the universe to where you stand today? Unable to muster the courage to stutter the words your heart desires, I miss you, I love you, please don’t go.

Our heart and our soul intuitively tells us when we are home.

An unspoken settled place is our being, a warmth, a person who undoubtedly many lifetimes we have known.

Tell me, when did scarcity roll over you?

Leaving you all alone.

~Alisa Hutton

About That

 

belonging

When did I forget?

Where in between knowing how to roar and pounce with ferocity did I start to bow to what was dumped on my shore

When did I stop kicking the garbage aside and let it burrow in my heart, that shit, nothing but genetic folklore

Who handed over the gift of my worth and desire like weightless confetti thrown effortlessly, just as ignorance breathes nonsense

At what God forsaken turn did I believe what I was told rather than what my intuition knows?

When did I roll over on my back and let life happen, lose my laughter, spice and interest

Who let me, why did they let me, who was cheering for me, did they not see me go

Get up

Stand up

Stop looking down

You and me

We’re meant for so much more

-Belonging

By Alisa Hutton

Five Bucks

five bucks

Five bucks for five minutes of fun

Fast and slick

Shiny and unchaste

Sleepless nights

Drowning in her pool of self-inflicted vacuity

A once undervalued little girl

Trappings of generational ruin

Carrying clandestine vacancy in her adult heart

Flickering illumination

Shadowed by ornamentation

If only she knew

She is worth more

She is not

Five bucks

For five minutes of fun

~Alisa Hutton

 

Not This

not this

Waiting for the message that is rarely returned

I hear not this

My heart wanting  you to see me

I hear not this

The flowers I deliver put aside

I hear not this

Thoughtful gestures disregarded as simple expectation

I hear not this

Questions about me that are never asked

I hear not this

The how are you that is never spoken

I hear not this

Poems written that are accepted with a shrug and hey thanks

I hear not this

Constant wonder would she notice if I was missing

I hear not this

The most basic human decency seemingly absent

I hear not this

When the day comes

When the silence allows insight

When the quiet brings you back to your heart

When your eyes open

When you feel I am gone

I felt the worth of my heart and it was

Not this.

~Alisa Hutton

Kintsugi

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Did my personal harmony echo spirit back in to your life?

Good faith and hope intoned in to the empty spaces in your soul

I, your Kintsugi?

Human gold accepted and poured to fill your broken past

Do you feel more valuable now?

Do you see your worth?

Or is the tap on my reality that this was just another scratch on our record?

Skipping on repeat that part of the song that attempts to drain mine

The space I long ago invited you to visit has always remained the same

Uncomplicated, genuine, loving and kind

The only difference I can see, my values no longer left at the curb

To hold your hand for the ones you’ll never find

~Alisa Hutton 

Darkness

Darkness

Unannounced

Darkness that swallows in whole

Close your eyes, it is the only reprieve from the black you know

Feel its debilitating choke as it pins you down by the chest in suffocating hold

As its fingers slowly climb your neck removing hopeful breath from your heart and throat

Don’t run

Don’t hide

Lean is close it speaks a tale of your flat lining worth

It knows your vulnerabilities and bullet holes still bleeding from your past

Let it comfortably devour the shadows that the darkness will always cast

Lay down with your beast and whisper in its ear

Go fuck yourself

You are nothing to fear

~Alisa Hutton

Lavender Vodka

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The flicker that excitedly danced in my eyes

Ignited perhaps by the lavender vodka purchased on my tab

A well mixed cocktail called a Femme Fatale

I hear your thanks, I raise my worth

When you reached for my hand in seek of loving warmth

I wonder

Were you chilled by the cold in my heart

Or was it your frosty demeanor that never allowed the thaw

While quenching your thirst during your visit to my protected harbor

You left a rusted anchor on my shore, it belongs to a vessel they call your past

I think I saw your values floating away

The bed we shared, the vulnerability that was served on that plate you licked clean

My mistake

I took it for more than sheets needing to be pressed with dignity and trust

The dry cleaner called, the shirt I gave you off my back is ready for pick up

Poetry I wrote for you with a renewed beating heart

Brace yourself, you were kissing a fool

Like a record that has a deep scratch, I skipped that part where you said you didn’t actually care

The line of reality and commonality is thin between that of the liar and that of the delusional

Time to pull out cupid’s arrow and put it to good use to scratch my head

Trying to forget the person sitting beside me who never existed

Drinking my lavender vodka in a well mixed cocktail I think I have tasted before

Femme Fatale

~Alisa Hutton

 

 

The Only Things Left

the-only-things-left

Reaching in to my pockets

My hands alone felt my purchased warmth

My cup poured full

Fine wine that few can afford

My thirst for rich quenched only my own

Building my house on a wink and smile

Walls so high they looked down at most

 

A flashy car that only fit two

My fat wallet steering the beast

A lane called fast

The steel choice I made for you

Ego and secrecy riding warmly along

Risk versus reward, go big or go home

I wondered why I felt so alone

Conscience and values quietly sleep in the trunk

 

Stories and life can never be unwritten

Run fast and run far

Close your eyes tight

Still, your past can never be undone

Put down your cards and tear down your walls

Toss your money to the winds that blow power and worth in to the direction of right

Time cannot be bought and never should have been for sale

 

Take your change and what remains

The only things left to offer and all that ever was

My heart

My time

Nothing less, nothing more

Dust yourself off  and never again

Walk through that darkened door

~Alisa Hutton