Surrender

surr

Surrender

Release the knotted, dysmorphic ties to ego’s past

Those stories were written by another so long ago

Let them tend to their dark seeds, they were never ours to sow

Experience and light

This is how true love is grown

Hold your values in open hands

Extend the only thing you will ever own

Your heart

Surrender

Your intuition knows

~Alisa Hutton

Welcome Her Home

table

Sitting across from her at our table

The small kerosene lamp dancing light off her hands, inviting caress and hold

I dreamed of us once

Anticipation of a destined familiarity before reality pressed its flowers in our story book

Here we were again, this time in shared space and breath

Eyes open, hearts sitting in rise

Was my dream the reality I needed to feel in order enable vision?

Or was my vision what I needed in order to enable my feelings?

Was the quiet of my night where my heart was found?

How did she know to look, was it ever her choice not to?

Her eyes in that one moment

Like the universe throwing an anchor out of my boat in wake

Causing pause, an altering drag in time

Ushering away all that was meant to pass in gentle flow

Leaving only the space we share and the stars that guide us home

The universe collided without our direction

The universe collided without our ask

The universe speaking only to say

Look in her eyes and welcome her home

~Alisa Hutton

The Disability of Ego

ego

The disability of ego

Sincere hearts kept at arm’s length

Walls built

Who is right and who is wrong

Protective bricks to appear strong

Is compassion and open nature for the weakest of souls

Or is our ego filling spaces needed to grow

In anger and silence we polish our pride

Suffocating connection in an effort to hide

The disability of ego will always try to win

An open heart, my chosen kin

~Alisa Hutton

5AM

mala

Morning meditation

Allowing breath in and beautiful intentions out

Grateful in chime my eyes open, my spirit rooted in true

Beautiful impermanence noted in each moment

Gentle reminders

Vulnerability the gift we offer even when the day feels long

Authenticity a strength

Love and kindness are what I choose and where I belong

The taste of sweetness, an open honesty that lives in my heart

Genuine acceptance and the ceremonial wash of all that I feel

Morning mediation

Welcomes the day and that which is real

~Alisa Hutton

Silence

silence

There is a quiet voice inside of me I wish could be heard

Inner whispers of a raw hearts hope

Perplexing, too tender to speak and too loud to ignore

In passing moments my quiet voice is kept on wait

An arm’s length away from authentic

It curiously feels as if a leaf tenderly falls from my tree

Leaving empty spaces deep in my roots and little pangs of hurt in my soul

Wishes drifting in the wind

In those who choose not to speak

In silence, nothing ever takes hold

-silence

~Alisa Hutton

Distance

empty

A widening dull gap between flat action and an exposed soul

Empty space that gathers between silence and vulnerability

Trepidation swallowing emotion without care to savor any taste

The flicker of a flame fighting for air

Fingertips barely touching

The heart that will soon be out of reach

The impotence of connection

-distance

~Alisa Hutton

Maturity

Time

Every line and scar I wear and the things you see in my eyes when I do not speak tell a story that is called “my life”. Those who care to know will show gentle curiosity and those who don’t were never meant for my soul.  Unsolicited advice is rarely offered in love. Simply the words from those who believe in judgement that my destination is their entitled road. I have fallen like the rest with deafening and heart breaking thumps. I offer thanks. I deeply cherish the rare who helped me stand back up when I was down. I walk with humility and extend the love I wish to know. To think my behavior and care I do or do not show does not affect the world around me would create stagnant flow. Today, I understand the importance of letting my true heart being felt and shown. I wake up scared as there is so much I do not know. This is life and the fabric that will make you whole. I have been blessed to have known love and even if it doesn’t show up it is the direction I choose to go. Criticism is for those with holes in their buckets and are not mine to repair or fill. Their field is theirs. Plant your seeds and care for them if you want them to grow. Time offered in trust, respect and care is the key to my heart. My instruction manual is as follows; be genuine and open and we’ll be all right. I have been around long enough to see the raw workings of life. The nectar of happiness, live with a kind heart and gentle eyes.

-maturity  

~Alisa Hutton

Detachment

detached

Empty spaces that do not bind in connection in a wish to know. A quiet departure unannounced or mindfully shown. An observation simply wrapped that the desire to stand with and beside is not something the pictures show. Like fabric with over stretched thread relationships will either tear apart or be lovingly strengthened and sewn. If love is aloof and never felt the inevitable journey is to walk alone. A plant that is not cared for will always wither regardless of the quality of your soil. History knows unseen emotions and the heart unfed grows plastic connections and lonely souls. Silence and distance; everything needed to quietly go. The crux of connection. Vulnerability, only for the brave who dance comfortably in the unknown.

detachment

~Alisa Hutton

Vulnerability

vulnerable

It is without knowing or guarantee. Blindly jumping off an unfelt edge with no assurance of bottom or gentle landing. Faith in its purest form. Looking out in to the night and desperately trying to adjust your eyes to see, all the while knowing the only thing you need to adjust to is your comfort in total darkness.

Moments that carry our deepest hopes and fears in equal measure. Exposed and held in the same open palm, unprotected and offered to another. In shortness of breath our racing mind tries to control speed and steady the direction with a false sense of security. The universe quietly taps our awareness with heightened physical responses, panic, fear.

Reality; authenticity walks with neither regulation nor control of outcome. Hard and painful, joyous and exhilarating in one deliciously sharp bite. It is your mind screaming “be safe”, reminding you of the last time your heart was shattered in to a million pieces. While your heart steadily whispers “trust”. It is brave, strong, tender, humbling and courageous.  The journey long. The destination? True happiness.

-vulnerability

~Alisa Hutton