Darkness

Darkness

Unannounced

Darkness that swallows in whole

Close your eyes, it is the only reprieve from the black you know

Feel its debilitating choke as it pins you down by the chest in suffocating hold

As its fingers slowly climb your neck removing hopeful breath from your heart and throat

Don’t run

Don’t hide

Lean is close it speaks a tale of your flat lining worth

It knows your vulnerabilities and bullet holes still bleeding from your past

Let it comfortably devour the shadows that the darkness will always cast

Lay down with your beast and whisper in its ear

Go fuck yourself

You are nothing to fear

~Alisa Hutton

Bottom

bottom2

The swallow of darkness

Grotesquely gorging on your good spirit like a rabid animal

Spitting out your zest for life effortlessly like that tooth you chipped when you were seven

You remember when you were seven, right?

That was when you learned how to tread water

It went something like this, keep moving, hurry up or you will sink to the bottom

So you learned to tread water

Don’t confuse it with floating, you learned that when you were around ten

I believe they yelled at you to lay on your back, relax and breathe or else you will sink to the bottom

So you learned to float

Sink or swim, do or die, don’t ask, just do

That is how is was

That is how it is

I remember that day when you did actually sink to the bottom, looking up through the clear waters at all the people who didn’t notice

Just a little person who was left alone but it came with such clarity

There was something peaceful about it, oddly assuring finally knowing how alone you were

Quiet and serene, finally something so calm and safe

You didn’t feel the panic of treading water or floating any longer

A funny little moment in time where it all stood still

Just you looking up from the bottom

As the swallow of darkness arrives, gorging as it does

Just like that day you sank and how you didn’t see it coming

You are reminded of those who didn’t notice you at the bottom, who never saw you sink

Maybe they never really cared if you did?

The same ones who gave ill advice on how to tread water and float

Funny

As all you ever really needed to know was that you were the only one who could feel what it was like to sit at the bottom

And

It is only you

Who gracefully knew how to rise back up to the top

~Alisa Hutton

Not Much

Not Much

She died inside

She didn’t feel a lot

Just a little more

She wasn’t sure how many times one could feel like this before “this” just was

Continually showing up for promptly closing doors

Only a child, she thought there was so much more

When do others see in her eyes what she can see in theirs?

At what point do they know that this one needs a little extra care?

Timing is everything

Unfortunately for her she has never worn a watch

When you ask her what she wishes for in life

She always smiles and says not much

Isn’t that irony of it all?

Exactly what she wished for

Is exactly what she got

~ Alisa Hutton