That Day

That Day

That day

Her glass castle shattered in to a thousand pieces

A white flag and a deep exhale the only signs of life deposited on her shore

Today, sweet textures of love and story paving her road

All the broken pieces of glass forming her humble mosaic of whole

The past, unnecessary conceptual overlay that dampens a genuine soul

If you seek her, present is where you will find her spirit in solid hold

Her heart open, held in tender and worn hands

On a seldom rainy day in quiet blink she remembers a once diluted way

And that precious moment it all went astray

All the colors that arced her darkness and light

The silhouettes and shadows that broke her one unannounced night

You don’t need to confirm with her the strength you see in her dark eyes

For it was in the clarity of her weakness when she realized how deeply she was cut and bleeding

That Day

She came to understand it was the simplicity of her own honor and love she was truly needing

~Alisa Hutton

My Shadow

copper

Day after day it came

I grieved

I asked for it to stop

I prayed, no begged, please

Day after day it came

I grieved

I asked if not for it to stop then just a break

I prayed, no begged, please

I grieved

One tired day

I could not pray, I could not beg

I sat in my shadow, just me in my darkness

With my grief that wouldn’t go away

Without notice

Without command

Without direction

Grief gently floated away

My whole heart, the only thing that came to visit me today

~Alisa Hutton

I Am

Girl

I was not born to be polite and adapt my being to meet your level of conformity

I was not born to grow my hair, paint my face and shape my body to fit your ideals of beauty

I was not born to speak in a quiet, regulated tone and only utter careful words to fit the walls of your voice

I was not born to gingerly harness my thoughts and curiosity to dance to the structure of your ideas alone

I was not born to walk cautiously or run in fear because your legs are more important than mine

 

I was born kind, strong, fragile and authentic and of so much more

I have no walls or box to fit in to

I fly high above without barriers and on my own

I was born beautiful, look in my eyes and drink my smile if it is me you truly want to know

Age, society and magazine covers define nothing and frame antiquated ideas of long ago

I was born with raging intellect and a thirst to feel, learn and grow

I do not hold hands with those who can see nothing more

You are not welcome to come for dinner, my table is set for those of substance

My food is for us alone

I was born to dance, run and move my soul as it is free

I have no need to puppet myself because I am standing on your perceived floor

 

I am me

I am a woman

Don’t let your preconceived notions of that hit your ass on the way out the door

 

~Alisa Hutton

 

Dear Woman

dear woman

Dear woman,

It has been too long and we need to talk. I know you felt like things were a big mess and it was your fault but you know what, it is OK. I know you felt like your world was falling apart. I guess in a lot of ways it did fall apart but maybe it was actually falling together? I know you wanted to shrink away and hide from it all. You felt ashamed, sad and lost. You went to that place that none of us ever talk about. That place that is scary to admit. You felt like you wanted to die, just close your eyes and have it be over. I know what it is like to feel so much darkness and hurt that you lose the light, your faith and hope. It is OK you don’t have to say it out loud, not right now. I know how scared and sad you were, I saw it in your eyes. I want you to know you are not horrible or bad for feeling this, I have felt it too. We both feel, we were built to.

Woman, you have lived a long time and you have experienced a lot of life. You were raised in a world that taught you to be tough, focused and polite and to keep pushing through it all. I want you to know that when I look at you and you are feeling broken the only thing I see is beautiful and real. Your incredible heart and mind are what I see. When I say you are beautiful it has absolutely nothing to do with your exterior. I want you to know that I understand things are hard sometimes and sometimes we fall apart at the seams. I watched it all build up in you as you took on more and more. I listened as people commended you on your strength with the increasing burdens of your life. I looked at the spirit drain out of your face and your loud unspoken words that said, I don’t know that I can do this any longer. I watched as you put a smile on your face and said to people around you I am fine thanks. Even when you wanted to collapse and cry and beg for help.

I am sorry I stood back knowing, seeing and feeling this. I am sorry I was polite and didn’t hold your hand and show you I love you. I see now you needed my love. You didn’t need advice or judgement or anything else, you just needed love. I know when it all felt broken, when you felt broken, it changed your life. I know you came undone and you felt embarrassed. As your friend and someone who loves you I think the universe gave you a gift. I think your seams coming undone was the beginning of the world about to see who you really are. I think you were meant to break that outer coating so the real you could emerge. I want you to know, I see you now. You are magnificent. I am your friend, I will love you fiercely and without apology from this day forward. We are going to talk, share and feel openly and honestly. We are going to do this together because I see you and I love you.  Dear woman, I don’t ever want you to forget who you are, I never will.

Your friend,

Woman

~ Written by Alisa Hutton

Could It Be

could-it-be

She softly strokes humility because her broken soul jarred her awake one night

Cracks spilling over with authentic human, ruining the perfect white rug

Now breathing values where her once damp intentions filled her lungs with the murky waters of attainment

Her hands warming others with compassion and forgiveness because late one evening resentment and anger swallowed her whole

Walking with love and kindness, the opposite was once her truth

They dare not question what they see in her eyes

The familiarity an echo of their uncomfortable past

Beneath all of our good a different nature once filled our shoes

One the cherished child

The other our neglected disappointment

Gentle is how we choose to walk as our hearts didn’t always takes steps of such divine purpose

Our greatest capacity and strengths founded on our harshest days

File it away and don’t speak of it out loud

Secrets will keep us all safe

Or could it be?

All of us have our light

With thanks to our dark shadow

Not the other way

~Alisa Hutton