Vulnerability

vulnerable

It is without knowing or guarantee. Blindly jumping off an unfelt edge with no assurance of bottom or gentle landing. Faith in its purest form. Looking out in to the night and desperately trying to adjust your eyes to see, all the while knowing the only thing you need to adjust to is your comfort in total darkness.

Moments that carry our deepest hopes and fears in equal measure. Exposed and held in the same open palm, unprotected and offered to another. In shortness of breath our racing mind tries to control speed and steady the direction with a false sense of security. The universe quietly taps our awareness with heightened physical responses, panic, fear.

Reality; authenticity walks with neither regulation nor control of outcome. Hard and painful, joyous and exhilarating in one deliciously sharp bite. It is your mind screaming “be safe”, reminding you of the last time your heart was shattered in to a million pieces. While your heart steadily whispers “trust”. It is brave, strong, tender, humbling and courageous.  The journey long. The destination? True happiness.

-vulnerability

~Alisa Hutton

Evening Wish

Man collecting the stars and putting them in a wheelbarrow.

Laying on my back I looked up for a moment

If only I could be

That star so far away in the distant sky

Peacefully shining on its own and quietly offering light

Enjoying the safety of a simple existence in the middle of the night

~Alisa Hutton

A Fine Mist

mist

Love you feel, unspoken

That long hug you want to extend, never given

Desires so deeply churning inside, forever hidden

Instincts of vulnerability wrapped and boxed, echoed silent thoughts

Perception of a safe life and uniformity held with higher regard than the breath that gives you life

Your heart beat reflects not the love you feel but the tick of your beating clock

With a heart full of love and a soul cracked wide open

I wonder with curiosity

Why you are watching it all disappear like a fine mist floating through your fingertips

~Alisa Hutton

He Is

Painted Boat

As a child when the world felt impossible to understand

There he always was

Not one for unnecessary speak but how he loved to tell his good stories

The reason for their start never quite clear but the ending always delivered with loving, insightful touch

Smiling in that knowing way as he does, eyes squinted in the corners

His laugh lines always saying so much

My curiosity as a child, he always seemed to pause so comfortably in the middle of any conversation

Giving every person he engaged deserved thought

At ease with his own mind and soul

Telling our little ears to learn about the ocean tides, when and how they flow

Know when not to be scared but when you feel trouble, work hard for things you love, learn as much as you can, be your own person and no matter what always keep your values in hand

With the most difficult of questions in life there was never any rush

When you asked him in urgency, trying to navigate the heart and its sometimes misdirected ways

His answer was to measure you up with a fishing rod and take you out on the ocean for the day

Silently rocking back and forth in a boat while listening to the lapping waves

He never gave you an answer but you always found your way

He let you be and gave you space, smiling when he was proud

Disappointment wasn’t very often and never harsh or loud

As years went on I came to understand the reason he never directed us or handed us answers in response

He knew the gifts of love and safety, showing us how and where to find our peace

He taught us the answers we seek are always in the calm and quiet

He is my Uncle

I am his forever grateful niece

~Alisa Hutton

Your Pool

your-pool

Dive in to that pool you call your crazy and tell me what you find

Give that animal a name and face that wreaks havoc in your mind

Does it speak to you in romantic verse or sing charmingly out of tune

Will it tell you to dance in perfect step or lack inhibition as you howl at the moon

Does your partner know when it comes to life

Can they see it in your eyes

Do they cherish it with warm embrace or dress it in domestic lies

Can you feel your wild and uncomfortable excitement and ride it as you should

Or do you sip your tea in perfect warmth only wishing that you could

If you feel scared, refreshingly alive and I make you slightly nervous

You may be right with those racing thoughts that seem to occupy your mind

Dive in to that pool you call your crazy and tell me who you find

~Alisa Hutton