The Flowers Death

fl

Edges curling in, weathered

A depressed muted brown bleeds where vibrancy once thrived

The color of apathy and lost purpose

Quietly spoken, perhaps purpose and possibility were never found

Not all flowers die beautifully

Spirit can fold in, cold and fetal without a sound

Air becomes gnarled, sharply chewing decay in hope

The flowers death

A silent and vulgar unbecoming

Mirroring a life I know

~Alisa Hutton

 

 

Empty

empty

There is a misconception that the deepest sadness we will feel in life

Is having to part ways and say goodbye

The loss of a knowing fill, the comfort of another and their warmth in our space

It is a fallacy and the matter at hand is larger you will see, possibly the very thing that will set you free

There comes a time when we see and feel, the most difficult reality to honor and embrace

Well beyond the drain and loss of any goodbye

Is the slow death of watching your spirit diminish and die

Life’s biggest challenge in what feels like human natures longest lesson

We feed our sadness in wish and hope and struggling to let go

But the only thing that matters in our wake and flow…..

It is only ourselves that we must trust and know

~Alisa Hutton

One Day Away

one day

One day away

One day away from uttering goodbye friend, how are you left at a quiet table for one

One day away from holding love, flickering lights of indecision eventually turn off to certain end

One day away from a last smile, patience and finality can’t share a bed

One day away from hearing a laugh once more, enjoy it while you can its heart beat can’t allow any more

One day away from locking on excitable eyes, once they close they aren’t yours to see

One day away from feeling that way you always do, only your grieving left to keep you warm

One day away from a long safe hug, breathe it in, lingering scent will be the only thing you can bring home

If only people knew

Option and choice walk a very different path

Moments come once

Love is not often

If only  people knew

Loss is always

Just

One day away

~Alisa Hutton

Tsunami

tsunami.jpg

Sadness

Deep sadness

It is as though you are standing on the shore watching a wall of water come in

No matter what direction you look or how far you tilt your head back

Just a wall of powerful water, a Tsunami

You feel small

You are small

You wonder will it knock you over or leave you unconscious

Where it will take you, will you know your way?

Will you even survive? Do you even want to?

Will anyone notice you were swallowed up by the ocean?

Grief

Spirit sucking grief

It as though in a moment of sunshine someone dives in to your chest violently grabbing your heart

You don’t expect it, you never do

It comes at 3 am and shakes you awake, running away with your breath

You try to catch it, gasping, choking

You can’t

The lights are turned on

Except your light

Your light is out

Total darkness

You wonder if anyone can see you if you can’t see yourself?

Walking around with your weighted vest, heavy

Nothing else

Just useless weight

Tears become quiet, unpredictable, constant

You hope maybe they wash it away, even a little

You just want some relief, less pain

The grief hurts

The sadness hurts

It all hurts in ways that words cannot express

Does anyone out there know

Can anyone tell me

How to not love?

~Alisa Hutton