Vulnerability

vulnerable

It is without knowing or guarantee. Blindly jumping off an unfelt edge with no assurance of bottom or gentle landing. Faith in its purest form. Looking out in to the night and desperately trying to adjust your eyes to see, all the while knowing the only thing you need to adjust to is your comfort in total darkness.

Moments that carry our deepest hopes and fears in equal measure. Exposed and held in the same open palm, unprotected and offered to another. In shortness of breath our racing mind tries to control speed and steady the direction with a false sense of security. The universe quietly taps our awareness with heightened physical responses, panic, fear.

Reality; authenticity walks with neither regulation nor control of outcome. Hard and painful, joyous and exhilarating in one deliciously sharp bite. It is your mind screaming “be safe”, reminding you of the last time your heart was shattered in to a million pieces. While your heart steadily whispers “trust”. It is brave, strong, tender, humbling and courageous.  The journey long. The destination? True happiness.

-vulnerability

~Alisa Hutton

Wide Open

angels

It isn’t my place

No plan or hope for a connection that I wish to keep

My table seats few

The spirits poured of particular character and taste, the company never cheap

Arms wide open

I am not sure your ego has allowed you to remove your blinders and fully come to see

My wing span now

The simple reflection that I have set myself free

No longer do I stand to extend myself to you in trust and good faith

See my eyes, hear my lack of words

Your delusions of me have been neatly left at the door

My respect for you sharply stuck in my back and the reality

I was always just an acquaintance

Nothing more

~Alisa Hutton

Nothing More

Nothing More

There is no practicality

I laid beside a stranger who was wheezing her last breath

Two things were not as we expected

My life

Her death

Side by side and equally alone

Curiously, our shared space perhaps was meant to be

I spoke with a woman who had but a few weeks to live

It was not planned or marked on her calendar

Curiously, she spoke with a calm confidence that this was her given time

She said honey trust me you just know

A man now bed ridden, his strength slipping away and out of his control

His strapping youth and forever quick mind he seemingly left at home

He hadn’t packed his favorite things for his stay at the hospital as he never planned to go

Curiously, when I told him I would see him soon he smiled with a simple knowing

No my dear, this is it for me and after this visit you probably won’t

I watched a little boy as color drained from his face, knocking loudly on heaven’s door

This isn’t how I see him, he plays and laughs, giggles and smiles

Get your hands off his little body, this, what is happening

None of it is what I ordered

Please, whoever you are that reaps in your dark and sudden ways

Take me and do what you will and let that little boy go

Through a tiny window

In a moment of life

I saw raw human souls

Horrific things, death and sickness that have forever shaken me to my core

I didn’t know what to do, I dropped to my knees

I held the hands of those entering deaths door

My heart was soothed, my eyes opened and my human fabric will forever know

This life

Our hearts

Those things that our egos think matter and we should know

Nonsense

There is no practicality

I sat on the fence of life and death watching souls come and go

There is only one thing you need to have as you walk through life on your way to deaths door

Love

Simply that, nothing less and nothing more

~Alisa Hutton

Wishbone

 

 

storm

Perhaps the heavens opened in storm to remind her of wave

A needed wash of the tides that will recede once more

Discomfort of the cold and wet to feel her warmth

In tired limb and lacking spirit a thought that maybe humanity can be found

Simplicity of connection and trust of those who stand in show

Words of selfish silence seemingly echo in slow

Looking in the mirror she sees us all

Floundering at dusk and rising in hope

Hold on to that wishbone friend, we might have nothing more

Today

She allows the rain and darkness to consume her in gentle whole

With a glimmer of faith

That after it is all done

She will feel herself and walk in stride once more

~Alisa Hutton