I Am Me

Simply

I am scared but never fearful

I once lost myself deeply in love

I found myself because of this

It will always be a successful relationship for this reason

I have made poor choices that came with a landslide of shame and remorse

I learned the importance of never putting my values down

I breathe them now

Those values line the soles of my shoes

I don’t regret my choices for they have taught me

I stumble and I fall

I always get back up

It will happen again

I am not perfect

I never will be nor do I care to chase illusions of such

My humility and compassion live in my fabric because of this

My glass is not half empty nor half full

My life and attitude are not measured by a glass

I am open and vast and ever-expanding

My heart is pure and this is all the perfect I need

I make no apologies for who I have been or who I am

I am strength and gentle in equal force

Simply

I am me.

~Alisa Hutton

Solitude

solitude

In our solitude, incredible uninhabited space

That voice that speaks

The only one

We need to listen

Our heart is knowing and has beautiful intuition

Vulnerable chambers will crack open in breathtaking pain

Given fresh perspective, offers of chance to nurture and heal

Echoes of regret and hardship poke at our most vulnerable fears

The choice to show up or run far away

Equally near

Surrounded by those who live by telling us how we should behave

They speak of who we should love and how we should feel

I know only this

Clarity is found deep in me, you and what is real

It may feel uncomfortable, lonely and press on a nerve

Solitude will whisper

The love we deserve

~Alisa Hutton

Walk

Walk

I asked to hold your hand and go for a walk

The only gifts I can offer

Time and a genuine heart

A hope I had

To share some space and feel your thoughts

Good intentions, a warm drink and a few cautious steps together in our dark

Hesitancy and indecision seemed to be the only things filling the cup

Showing up, a choice made by two

Not showing up, the choice made for me and you

Standing alone there becomes but only one option

My time and genuine heart keeping warm in my soul

I take the same cautious steps, as me, as one

Gently walking with an offered extension

Simplicity, wanting to know you over time

Taking a short walk together, holding hands in a park

A moment becomes lost

Option and choice merge as one meeting at now or never

The invitation

Quietly kept in my forever

~Alisa Hutton

One Day Away

one day

One day away

One day away from uttering goodbye friend, how are you left at a quiet table for one

One day away from holding love, flickering lights of indecision eventually turn off to certain end

One day away from a last smile, patience and finality can’t share a bed

One day away from hearing a laugh once more, enjoy it while you can its heart beat can’t allow any more

One day away from locking on excitable eyes, once they close they aren’t yours to see

One day away from feeling that way you always do, only your grieving left to keep you warm

One day away from a long safe hug, breathe it in, lingering scent will be the only thing you can bring home

If only people knew

Option and choice walk a very different path

Moments come once

Love is not often

If only  people knew

Loss is always

Just

One day away

~Alisa Hutton

The Only Things Left

the-only-things-left

Reaching in to my pockets

My hands alone felt my purchased warmth

My cup poured full

Fine wine that few can afford

My thirst for rich quenched only my own

Building my house on a wink and smile

Walls so high they looked down at most

 

A flashy car that only fit two

My fat wallet steering the beast

A lane called fast

The steel choice I made for you

Ego and secrecy riding warmly along

Risk versus reward, go big or go home

I wondered why I felt so alone

Conscience and values quietly sleep in the trunk

 

Stories and life can never be unwritten

Run fast and run far

Close your eyes tight

Still, your past can never be undone

Put down your cards and tear down your walls

Toss your money to the winds that blow power and worth in to the direction of right

Time cannot be bought and never should have been for sale

 

Take your change and what remains

The only things left to offer and all that ever was

My heart

My time

Nothing less, nothing more

Dust yourself off  and never again

Walk through that darkened door

~Alisa Hutton