bottom

A smooth stone held humbly in my hand

Rubbing it in nurture against my now lined palm

I hold this part of my past in solid form

One of many rocks that once filled my warm pockets

How easily the weight sunk me to the bottom of the ocean

I recall the murky waters as I sat on the sea bed floor

The pain I felt as the salt stung my eyes trying to see a glimmer of care and compassion

How I squinted in to the open nothing and found everything

As the sun set that day, as the moon pulled the tide

The sand that was tossed with fraught in to my waters settled in to my soul

My hands had always been free to empty my life of your rocks

Weight that they carried with intentions to sink replaced with light spirits

I came to understand the rocks you left in my pockets never deserved space or hope

My gratitude will always extend to you for the day I learned to rise to the top and effortlessly float

~Alisa Hutton

bottom2

The swallow of darkness

Grotesquely gorging on your good spirit like a rabid animal

Spitting out your zest for life effortlessly like that tooth you chipped when you were seven

You remember when you were seven, right?

That was when you learned how to tread water

It went something like this, keep moving, hurry up or you will sink to the bottom

So you learned to tread water

Don’t confuse it with floating, you learned that when you were around ten

I believe they yelled at you to lay on your back, relax and breathe or else you will sink to the bottom

So you learned to float

Sink or swim, do or die, don’t ask, just do

That is how is was

That is how it is

I remember that day when you did actually sink to the bottom, looking up through the clear waters at all the people who didn’t notice

Just a little person who was left alone but it came with such clarity

There was something peaceful about it, oddly assuring finally knowing how alone you were

Quiet and serene, finally something so calm and safe

You didn’t feel the panic of treading water or floating any longer

A funny little moment in time where it all stood still

Just you looking up from the bottom

As the swallow of darkness arrives, gorging as it does

Just like that day you sank and how you didn’t see it coming

You are reminded of those who didn’t notice you at the bottom, who never saw you sink

Maybe they never really cared if you did?

The same ones who gave ill advice on how to tread water and float

Funny

As all you ever really needed to know was that you were the only one who could feel what it was like to sit at the bottom

And

It is only you

Who gracefully knew how to rise back up to the top

~Alisa Hutton

dustedwords

Solid Form

Bottom