Tsunami

tsunami.jpg

Sadness

Deep sadness

It is as though you are standing on the shore watching a wall of water come in

No matter what direction you look or how far you tilt your head back

Just a wall of powerful water, a Tsunami

You feel small

You are small

You wonder will it knock you over or leave you unconscious

Where it will take you, will you know your way?

Will you even survive? Do you even want to?

Will anyone notice you were swallowed up by the ocean?

Grief

Spirit sucking grief

It as though in a moment of sunshine someone dives in to your chest violently grabbing your heart

You don’t expect it, you never do

It comes at 3 am and shakes you awake, running away with your breath

You try to catch it, gasping, choking

You can’t

The lights are turned on

Except your light

Your light is out

Total darkness

You wonder if anyone can see you if you can’t see yourself?

Walking around with your weighted vest, heavy

Nothing else

Just useless weight

Tears become quiet, unpredictable, constant

You hope maybe they wash it away, even a little

You just want some relief, less pain

The grief hurts

The sadness hurts

It all hurts in ways that words cannot express

Does anyone out there know

Can anyone tell me

How to not love?

~Alisa Hutton

The Arbutus Tree

arbutus-tree

When I was a little girl there was a tree that grew near me

I recall asking my Mom about why this tree looked so different from al the others near our home

My eyes always drawn to how it would bend in inviting ways, without sharp corners or rigid lines

Its smooth exterior skin exposed from coarse bark

My child wonder could not help but run my tiny hands along its surface

I would sit on my patch of grass looking at this lone tree, admiring its whimsical ways and open nature

It was an Arbutus

As shared by my Mom this one in particular was very special

For the Arbutus usually don’t do well too far from the ocean

This one did though, a lone, strong Arbutus living far from its desired home yet gifting me with its beauty

I would pay extra attention to the Arbutus, proudly telling the tale that it was a very special treat for us have in growing where it did

 

I sat at the ocean edge today admiring an Arbutus

It reminded me of my childhood memory

Filling myself with the salt air I thought of my strong roots and the Arbutus that grew so well even in its less than ideal surroundings

I thought about the beauty in its exposed ways, how it lives in bend and curve, never with rigidity

The salt of the ocean offering it nourishment, healing and growth

Maybe the Arbutus that lived near me would have thrived more so living near the sea

It seeded before my time and flourished long past my childhood

During that time it continued to grow and extend its beauty in its unique way

What made it so special to me was that it managed to do so when so many thought it couldn’t be

So many years later and I think I understand why I came to know

The story of the Arbutus tree

~Alisa Hutton

Perhaps

perhaps

How do you say goodbye to love, effectively let it go?

Perhaps you don’t

Perhaps you aren’t supposed to

Maybe that is why love is so special

Maybe once you have felt love it lives inside of you until the end of time

Could it be we aren’t supposed to fear love

Could it be we aren’t supposed to grieve love

In my simplistic heart and untethered mind

Love seems to be something special

I curiously wonder

What would happen

If when we found it

We just said I love you

If when we found it

We simply felt

Trusting that no matter what path the love takes

Love will always exist

Love will just be

Forever more

~Alisa Hutton

Raindrops

raindrops

Sink then rise from the ocean floor

Feel the salt, welcome her home

Fill your spirit and let worries pour

 

She knows of your wake and sleepless nights

Your faith and hope

Effervescent light

 

Float on your back and take it all in

Let the raindrops fall and kiss your skin

Feel the constant, your beating heart

Honor each breath and natures part

 

We are born to laugh, love and feel

Our task in life, simply be real

 

The ocean reminds me in her soothing way

What matters most

My love of today

~Alisa Hutton

My Place

 

quietSitting on my place beside the ocean

Watching the ripples of sunlight dance across her waves

The only busy of life, sandpipers and gulls preparing for their day

Salt air pouring deeply in to my lungs

Gifted endless inhale, made for one

Nature whispers, expand and contract in your gentle way

Washing serenity over me with her lapping waves

The scent of cedars that surround me so tall and strong

Collective aged wisdom reminding me of where I belong

Speaking as the sun starts to rise

Quiet your mind, relax your weary eyes

Sit with your spirit and let your heart be

For anything else

I wouldn’t be me

~Alisa Hutton

Lead Me To The Ocean

beach

If you ever care to know me

What speaks beneath my eyes

Take me by the hand and lead me to the ocean

Sit with me in the quiet under the starry sky

When the sun starts to rise bringing a new day

Breathe in my love

I exhale to share this way

For the ocean has felt my deepest fears and hopes in her gentle ways

If you ever care to know me

What speaks beneath my eyes

Lead me to the ocean

Holding my hand along the way

Alisa Hutton

 

 

 

While You Wait

train-station

Perhaps there is value and patience learned in showing up for a train that is delayed

Trusting in know it is slowly finding its way

A passenger must question with the same trust and know

When we show up and wait for a train who has clearly derailed

Who only knows departure, never an arrival

Who jumps the tracks by nature and design

As you sit by the rails, stationed in your wait

Think about the train you wish to get on

Is it is simply running late

Or

Will it dangerously arrive

Derailing once more

Taking you out while you wait

In natural stride

~Alisa Hutton

Love That is Kept

love

The simplicity of sharing, connection

We care for another, our relationship, me to you and you to I

In raw essence a desire to love and be loved

Somewhere and somehow comes the trickle of rigid thoughts

Ego

We are being taught

We are being judged

Sized and sorted for worth

Holding on to our inner most thoughts and feelings

Fear the open and free

Interpreted intent other than love for one another

Simplicity strays losing its way

Lost in care, lost in compassion, lost in kindness

Blinded by our own internal sight of protective rules and historical hurt

Human art covered for no other soul to appreciate or adore in its naked and true form

To be loved

Unique color and fine stroke

Blurred

In quiet breathe one comes to understand that love not accepted, seen or understood is the materialized burden another is carrying on their back

Only the heaviness is carried by all of us

For love not given is love not accepted, the two must dance in mutual fall

It is the complexity of our unique human art

The human paradox

In quiet you will find  the boundless love you have to give and a purity of love you need to burst in full color

The inhale and exhale of equal importance to a genuine life

Complimentary existence for happiness

You will learn that love unlived, unsaid and unshared is the root of human rot

You will learn this particular shade is the only color shared on my canvas and yours

The same fears and vulnerabilities

Yet here we sit holding on to our love as if it is some how wrong to give

Sad as I do believe

Love that is kept

Is never felt at all

~Alisa Hutton

Trust

lotus

In shortness of breath

Trust the dance and awakening that comes from the dawn of your discomfort

As your chest clenches in tight

When silence screams and white noise grates on every last nerve

As feelings are choked off from placid flow

Offer your silent gratitude in the uneasiness of it all

Your heart is fighting to burst open

Like a lotus flower you are destined from seed

To grow through the mud in order to reach full bloom

When your body’s calm seems to be aggressively locked away and directionless thoughts in a fast paced race

An exhausting marathon you don’t recall wanting to enter

Respect the scenery and feel each step you take

Walk a path that is lit with simplicity and mindfulness along the way

Embrace your intellectual mind and stop to give it a warm hello

It is only running so fast in search of your authentic soul

In the damp and darkness when your body won’t sit still

When you wish you could climb out of your own skin, not sure you can handle any more

Don’t run away

Don’t try to hide

Lean in as far as you can and dive in to the waters below

Tuck blind faith under your arms with age and experience they will help you float

Trust the salt to heal your spirit and unneccessary sores

Relax in to your buoyancy when needing peace and rest

Lay your head on the lap of the trusted love of who you are at your core

For the discomfort you feel that is waking you up at night

Is simply your heart reminding you to always shine your beautiful light

~Alisa Hutton

In The Quiet

harriet

I sat on my bench waiting for you

Inhaling the winter air I closed my eyes

A kiss touching my lips

A gentle heart keeps us warm amidst the feelings of sharp cold

Waiting

Reserved for souls with a comfortable love of the quiet

Those who can feel the gifts of loneliness and tight hold with equal respect and desire

A gratitude for discomfort as it nudges us towards our sincerest warmth

The ones who have faith and trust in the intuitive nature of departure and arrival

Snow falling gently dresses my surround in a blanket of soft white

Tree limbs wrapping me in their nurturing cover

Reminding me of the importance to be generous and without ask in love

Balanced with the humility of knowing it creates a story and life much larger than you or I

The silence

Allowing my ears to hear the steps you take

The space

Allowing me to honor your path with care

Slowly my heart learned to trust in the quiet

While I was sitting on my bench waiting for you

~Alisa Hutton

Photo Credit ~ Harriet Fancott